Even the bartender felt bad for me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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