So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
