Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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