My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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