I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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