she looked like the before picture.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize