Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
