In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize