i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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