You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize