Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
