Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
