Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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