You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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