nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
