I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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