Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
