Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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