somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
