That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
