a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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