he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
