I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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