My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
