What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
