I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
