Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I puked a lego.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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