People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
