i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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