He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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