Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
