at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
