I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
