I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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