i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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