is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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