how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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