3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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