I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
