I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
