Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
