so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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