Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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