I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
