my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
