if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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