Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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