you didnt know i had herpes?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
