i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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