Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I would ride that face into the sunset
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
