I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
