what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
