if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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