Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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