I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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