even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
