So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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