We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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