im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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