KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize