I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
