I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
