we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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