Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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