they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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