You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
