OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
