roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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