Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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