"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
