your parents love me but you hate me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
